This articlewas written in 1997 while I was a graduate student in women's studies. Aside from the cumbersome title, it captures a moment when I was able to reflect on the beginning of my feminist journey and where I was as I embarked on a new one.

I Repeat Myself Because You Deny Me
by Kimberly Springer

In my role as graduate student and instructor I am challenged to constantly re-think what feminism means to my life. One part of this journey has been to think about how I, as an African American woman, incorporate feminism into my worldview of oppression, empowerment, and social change. This has become clearer to me in the time I have spent teaching Introduction to Women's Studies at Emory and working on my dissertation on Black feminist organizations of the 1970s.

At my research proposal defense (a.k.a. "The Prospectus Defense") one of my advisors asked me the hardest question of the entire process, "What do you want to prove by studying Black feminist organizations?" I admit it. I panicked. Four years worth of self-doubt went whizzing through my head. "Why DO I want to do this? Why is anyone going to care about this dissertation? Why didn't I go to law school?" Instead I replied, "I want to prove that I'm not wrong."

Black feminists existed and still do. My answer to this tough question was not a well-formulated academic treatise on the "intersections of this" or the "multiplicity of that". Rather, this was my gut reaction. By writing a dissertation on Black feminists and their organizations I am out to prove to myself, to those in the Black community who see Black feminists as "sell-outs", and to white feminists who sometimes choose to believe that there are no Black feminists, that there were indeed Black women who openly claim(ed) feminism.

Believe me, it's not as if I woke up one day and academically reasoned, "Well, my race, gender, and class are inextricably linked and I will work to end discrimination on all fronts." First, I went through what I called my "angry feminist" phase as an undergraduate at the University of Michigan. Don't let me hear you call someone a "girl"! That's "WOMAN" to you---MS. if you're nasty. Later, I even learned how to do a mean body-check at clinic defenses against Operation Rescue.

Next, I took my "Sojourner Truth/Angela Davis" stance and enumerated the racist transgressions of suffragettes and second wave feminists. I wrapped my arms around Alice Walker's definition of the term "womanist," so tightly I didn't notice that she describes womanism as a nuance of feminism, but nevertheless, feminism.

Somewhere in there, just like Black feminists of the 1970s, I just got plain wore out. I was tired of being defensive. Tired of listening to anti-abortionists tell sisters to have babies and then call us "welfare queens" in the same hypocritical breath. Tired of explaining why I prefer the positive vibe of Erykah Badu to the "Hootchie-Olympics" of Lil' Kim. But besides the sheer unwillingness on the part of some people to question their views, part of the problem was I spent too much time listening to and reading articles about why Black women, particularly women my age, were NOT feminists. Instead I decided that, in addition to figuring out my position as a Black woman with feminists views, labels are important.

What does the label "Black feminist" mean to me? It means that I am dedicated to challenging racism, sexism, classism, heterosexism, and ableism. This is no claim to perfection. As I challenge others on their prejudices, I expect them to do the same for me. And don't get me wrong. I'm still in a perpetual state of righteous indignation, but I have found ways to channel my energy. One way I have done that is to speak out as a Black feminist. We come from a long line of fighters and thinkers: Anna Julia Cooper, Claudia Jones, Lorraine Hansberry, my mother, Billie Holliday, Anita Hill,. I'm proud to follow in the footsteps of these women, some of whom spoke out against racism and questioned sexism in communities of people of color. Others can be subtle or in-your-face depending on the gains to be made. Like these women, I intend to make my presence known.

(c) Kimberly Springer, 1997

Kimberly Springer is pursuing her Ph.D. at the Emory Institute for Women's Studies. She is an active member of the Emory Women's Center Advisory Board.